Have Mercy and Forgive Me

I am going through a time in my life where I am feeling the condemnation of all my sinful acts and errors. I have terribly hurt the people in my life that I love the most. I cannot defend my actions and if I dwell on them, I feel weighted down by my past sin. I think that in our world there are too many people who have come to this same condition in their own lives and it makes me so sad just to think that there is that much pain in the world. Looking back I know that I strayed from God's will in so many instances and in my pride I stopped listening to God and turned to my own thoughts.

Romans 1:28
28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

Because I did not keep my life's focus on God, he allowed me to stray from him. This was to teach me that my way is wrong, and that I should have put my trust in God.

Romans 7:15
15 For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.

After turning away from God, I found myself giving in to my fleshly desires more and more. Even when I knew that what I was considering was wrong, I would disregard that fact because I had an evil desire in my heart to do what I wanted instead of following God's advice. Of course my conscience would make me ashamed of myself afterwards. Then I would listen to the lies in my head that said "There is no turning back, you cannot be forgiven, just give in to your desires." I wasted so many years in turmoil and guilt. Instead of trying to start over, I ran down the path of destruction and indulged in every wrong thing. I had foolishly tricked myself into believing that I had done something that was so bad that God could not forgive it and I could not make up for doing it. In thinking that, I was unknowingly assuming that God's grace was limited and that Jesus' sacrifice on the cross could be insufficient to pay the price for any and all of my sins! I was putting a limit on God, making him smaller and less effective in my own imagination. But God is great, and though he is full of justice, he is also full of love and grace and is ready, willing and able to forgive all sins!

Psalms 51:1-19
To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David, when Nathan the prophet came unto him, after he had gone in to Bath–sheba.
1 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
4 Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
9 Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
13 Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
15 O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
16 For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
18 Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

The Reasoning of Psalm 51
David had sinned by lusting after Bath-sheba, committing adultery with her, and then planning the death of her husband. These are a multitude of sins, David needed to turn back to God and ask forgiveness. In verse 1 David identifies God as having lovingkindness and mercy, and asks that God would use those qualities to blot out his sins. Verse 2 continues asking to completely wash away the filthiness associated with sin. David admits his guilt in verse 3, and tells about how his "sin is ever before" him because his conscience will not let him forget what he did wrong. This is the filthy residue of sin that makes David ask God to wash it away.
Apparently verse 4 has been highly debated. Some think it proves that the title is incorrect, some think that it means that David values his guilt in the eyes of God above any possible guilt he has in the eyes of others. It is also said that because David was king of Israel, legally there was no one but God himself that could convict David of what he had done wrong.
In verse 5, David proclaims the fact that all mankind was born into sinful nature which we know as the curse of Adam.

Adam Clarke's Commentary on the Bible
Behold, I was shapen in iniquity. A genuine penitent will hide nothing of his state; he sees and bewails, not only the acts of sin which he has committed, but the disposition that led to those acts. He deplores, not only the transgression, but the carnal mind, which is enmity against God.

Verse 6 tells us the need to be wise and true of heart, to change our sinful nature from the inside and let it flow outward affecting the rest of our life. Many will come to God and ask for forgiveness, but without addressing the inward problems that caused you to give in to your sinful nature, you will be likely to repeat your mistakes and will not learn the lesson God wants to teach you. David asks God to purge him with hyssop, this was the ceremonial cleansing for lepers, hyssop was also used to sprinkle sacrificial blood on the doorposts as on the passover. To wash him whiter than snow referred to an inner cleansing, not just a superficial outward cleansing. Now David asks God to hide his face from his sins, it reminds me of his earlier statement that his sins were ever before him (he replayed them in his mind always). David wants God to forget his sins, and not to think on them ever again, to blot them out. David asks for a fresh, new, clean heart and spirit, that only God can give him. In verse 11, he is asking God to not send him away, but to allow David to stay in God's presence. When we take our focus off of God we fall into temptation and sin again. God, return us to how we were when we first fell in love with you and our hearts were filled with love and awe for you.
Verse 13, David promises to teach other sinners God's ways and convert them to God. David wants to show appreciation of God's grace and keep others from sinning as he did before. Now David gives a deeper admission of his sins, regarding his role in the death of Uriah (and/or his adultery with Bath-sheba) as bloodguiltiness. David wants to rejoice in his salvation and redemption, to praise God for cleansing him of sin. David describes the concept that God is more interested in the change in a man's heart from bad to good, than in any sacrifice he may offer of worldly goods. God doesn't want us to purchase our forgiveness, he gives it freely and asks us to follow in His ways. Verse 18 displays David's concern as the ruler of Israel that God would bless his kingdom and the work David was doing. He did not want Israel to suffer because of his sin. He wanted to lead Israel into a righteous relationship with God, so that their sacrifices would be pleasing to God.

My Personal Conclusion
We are all sinners, and the penalty for our sin is greater than we can ever repay. Only by the grace of God can we be cleansed of this sin by the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Only with the Holy Spirit can we experience the renewing and cleansing of our hearts and souls to enable us to walk the path of righteousness. Only by keeping our focus on God can we stay in his presence and win the fight against temptation and sin. When we start to relax in our faith we make concessions to our fleshly nature, which lead us down the path to sin and destruction. Fellowship and prayer are key elements to give us the support we need to stay faithful to God.